February 2012
95 posts
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thatawkwardbitch:
you know this song....
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AWW THANKS GOVT
Woman: Can I have birth control?
Government: No.
Woman: I got pregnant because I didn't have birth control and I don't want the fetus. Can I have an abortion?
Government: No.
Woman: I gave birth to my child but since I wasn't expecting it, I can't afford daycare. Can I have help paying for it?
Government: No.
Woman: My boyfriend isn't excited about sex anymore, because I lost my figure due to pregnancy. Will you pay for his erectile dysfunction pills?
Government: Yes.
EVERY SINGLE TIME
Promoter: Hey you manage Soundoff right?
Me: Yeah!
Promoter: Well I'm looking for an act to open for blahblahblah on suchandsuchdate
Me: Oh awesome! We're definitely interested, well let me check the boys' schedules and i'll get back to you, but I definitely think we can make that work.
NEXT DAY
Me: So about that show, I...
Promoter: You're cute, come on a date with me.
Me: That's sweet of you but I'm a very busy girl. So I talked to the boys and...
Promoter: No seriously I totally wanna have sex with you
Me: I JUST WANT YOU TO BOOK MY BAND
Promoter: I WANT TO PUT MY PENIS INSIDE OF YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE A FEMALE AND YOU PAY ATTENTION TO ME
Me: I JUST WANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY AND I DON'T WANT YOUR PENIS OKAY
Promoter: I don't think we can be friends anymore.
Me: FRIENDS!? I JUST WANT YOU TO BOOK MY BOYS I DON'T WANT TO BE ANYONE'S FRIEND
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“The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die.”
– Juliette Lewis (via perfumedsecrets)
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rough sex please okay thanks
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hailshaytan666 asked: i can't wait to see you again :3
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Reblog if your URL doesn't have the word...
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“If I was a woman these days, I’d be killing motherfuckers. My handgun would...”
– Henry Rollins. (via markaragnos)
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eating a whole Totino's party pizza with leftover...
itsnotthatfunnyisit:
living the white trash dream tonight, folks.
